Married Monday: Shoulder to Cry On

Source: Google Images

Today, I was going to post about the banana ice cream recipe I found on Pinterest, but I decided to save it for another Monday.  Today's post is kinda directed towards my usual Wednesday theme, but I'm making it work for Married Monday.

On Saturday, between resting and cleaning, I spent some of my time on Facebook trying to beat my sister's Candy Crush Saga score.  I'm currently on level 60, while she is on level 65.  Since she got me hooked two weeks ago, I have been spending my lunch period and at least two hours a night trying to make it to the next level.  After I used my five lives and my numerous "free lives," I got in bed and watched Saturday Night Live with Brian.  When I turned around and looked at the blank wall, all I could see was the candy pieces from the game. 

That's when I had an epiphany: Candy Crush is freaking addictive and I'm subconsciously doing everything in my power not to study for my Architect Registration Exam.  I'm making time to talk on Skype, play Candy Crush for hours, write blog posts, have family time and work on drawings through lunch, but I can't make time to study.  Even on weekends, I will take a nap and avoid studying at all costs.  I thought going to the AIA study session was going to be the motivation I needed, but I opened up my study guide only once since then.  The goal that I set for myself for March, has been pushed to April.  I don't even think I will even take it this month. 

I broke down and told Brian.  I cried like a baby on his shoulder and told him my fear:  I'm scared to start.  The first exam isn't that hard compared to the other sections, but I'm more worried about failing.  Once I start, the clock begins and I have 5 years to complete all seven exams.  If I fail, I have to wait 6 months to take that section and $210 goes down the drain.  I'm basically investing $1,470 towards my exams; more if I don't pass. I also thought creating the ARE Study group was going to motivate me to study, but I still feel like I'm a failure in Architecture and all the studying in the world isn't going to help.  Three people have since joined the study group, and I'm scared I'm going to lead them in the path of negativity.

Then Brian replied with this:
"First of all, stop seeing the test as a competition with others and failing as the end of the world.  I know you grew up where if you get a B, you get in trouble but you have to change your mindset and see it as a learning experience.  You don't know the outcome if you don't take the first step, plus you are not a failure. Study and go to the study sessions.  Also, this weekend is the last time you have free time.  Starting Monday, we will make sure that you study (2 hrs/day M-F, and 4 hrs/day on the weekends).  I will help you so you will be prepared before you start your study sessions with the groups. Trust in God; he didn't give you the power of fear."  Then he proceeded to tell me a story about exams vs. papers.

I don't like giving up.  I don't even like saying it out of my mouth.  But studying for this exam is rough and it has knocked me down before I even started.  I miss the college days where I could study with my Architecture buddies.  Now we are at different parts in our life in different parts of the country and I'm ahead of them in taking the ARE.  With that said, that's when I have to lean on my husband and God.  Out of the 10 years we have been together, I think about all the times I wanted to give up on Architecture (thesis especially).  Each time, he brought me back to reality and I went farther than I ever thought I could (I even got best Thesis, woooo!).  I thank God for putting this man in my life and keeping him strong when I am weak.

I love being married and I love talking with my best friend!  Hopefully, Boot Camp Architecture with Brian isn't too bad compared to when I was in college.  (He confirmed it will be.  Boooo!)